What is wrong with my brain?

What is wrong with my brain?

What is wrong with my brain?

Posted: 24 Jan 2014 01:38 AM PST

I've been going on for 8 years. I've never took any medication because I feared for weight gain(which happened anyway) and I didn't want to become dependant on pills. In 2004 I had the greatest year ever going out with friends and meeting lots of women. I smoked weed in early 2005 and then after only two months of doing that I started feeling weird. I felt really down, really anxious...very irritable and I couldn't look at anyone for long or it caused huge anxiety. I had irrational fear of losing my mother and I started feeling imaginary thoughts that something bad would happened to her during our conversations. Then I became more withdrawn and started to hallucinate slightly. I kept staring at peoples necks as if I was irritated by them or that I was attracted I was going to "imagine" myself physically striking people in that area with a sharp object. It's weird because everything else about me was reasonable and now I'm alot more calm but still seem to really stare at peoples necks without even realising sometimes. I work 4 days a week and sometimes it feels better to be around people and other times I can't stand it because I want to withdraw and I feel forced to socialise. I don't want to really take medication and I feel better with alcohol. I just don't want my family being intimidated by me but they think I'm screwed up even though I've never done anything. I don't hallucinate no more but feel derealizaton often. Sometimes I can ignore it other times it's unbearable and my head hurts. Smoking cigarettes makes it worse too.

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