I just turned 21 but I'm exhausted and about to give up on life.?

I just turned 21 but I'm exhausted and about to give up on life.?

I just turned 21 but I'm exhausted and about to give up on life.?

Posted: 04 Mar 2015 10:28 PM PST

My dad sexually abused me during high school but I kept it to myself to avoid breaking my family because I have two younger brothers and a 6 year old sister. I'm trying to transfer to a good university so I can help my parents pay for their debt. But I feel worthless and hopeless. I just hate everything about myself. Recently, whenever I stress my chest starts to tighten and burn, and I have difficulty breathing. Even if I try to focus on one task. I'm so desperate I want to ask my professors for help, but they might think I'm making excuses because I've begun to do poorly in school. I feel like I'm carrying so much weight on my shoulders. I worry about everything. I worry that I'll never find love (I'm in a long distance relationship but I'm miserable because he used to flirt and lie many, many times to my face, which worsened my trust issues); especially that I'll never succeed in my career and in life. I know some people don't understand depression. It feels like having an old soul and being grated thin. No matter what I do or how much time I take for myself, I feel exhausted to the bones. Like I can't breathe and feel at peace; there's always stress, pain, worry, and insecurities at the back of my mind and heart. I want to lie in bed so still that I simply breathing, and I cease to exist so that maybe, people would be unburdened by me, and I by them. Is there still hope? How do I ask for help? Or maybe, what's the most painless way to die?

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